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Nightmare Sisters (1988) October 31st, 2022

This Halloween we filled our evening with a Leone-esq film trifecta. The Classic (The Exorcist), The Difficult-to-Find-on-Home-Release (Near Dark), and The Garbage (Nightmare Sisters). You can tell by the cover, Nightmare Sisters’s plot is inconsequential… but it’s fun to describe. Two sets of nerdy college students in the Greek tradition struggle with the respective houses. The girls aren’t invited to the parties and the boys are under fraternity imposed house arrest for (ironically) unsanctioned fraternizing with sororities. This minor inconvenience barley stops the boys from hanging out with their geeky female counterparts. The group gets bored after the initial excitement of coed intermingling wears off leaving the party’s vibe at risk of going stale. To keep the excitement up they turn to a classic college party activity, demon summoning. One of the girls picked up a crystal ball at an antique store and they use it to make an unholy bargain that accidentally transform the homely women into buxom succubi. Like all good succubi these chicks want one thing and it’s F-ing disgusting, death by snu-snu.

Luckily (depending on your perspective) the three nerdy guys are locked in a shed by their homophobic and racist frat brothers who warned them not to leave their frat house. These three scumbags meet creative and sexually suggestive ends after the sorority sisters obligatory 10-minute mutual bathing scene. Before the succubi can finish off the nerdy boys, their demon is exorcised after one of the nerds breaks the crystal ball with the assistance of an amalgamated parody of both Father Karras and Father Merrin from The Exorcist (how are all three movies we watched tonight either The Exorcist or related to The Exorcist?). Once purified of their demonic lust, the three girls retain their ill-gotten good looks and resume flirting with the nerdy frat brothers as if they didn’t murder a couple other college students an hour or so earlier. The End.

Nightmare Sisters combined the creatively malformed writer Kenneth J. Hall who penned such classics as Terror Night and The Tomb with gaysploitation auteur director David DeCoteau who’s rap sheet includes Bigfoot Vs. D.B. Cooper, The Great Halloween Puppy Adventure, and… Prehysteria! 3?!?
*checks notes*
That can’t be right…

Puppet-dinosaur masterpieces aside, watching anything they’ve made seems less fun than shaving my retinas with a potato peeler. My guess is they’re aware of their own penchant for schlock, hence the nudity and gaysploitation. According the commentary accompanying the Vinegar Syndrome blu-ray release, Nightmare Sisters took less than a week to shoot which is trivia I don’t doubt considering the camera never moves and the whole movie takes place in one location.

A campy skinny-dip in a treatment pond, Nightmare Sisters is exactly the kind of movie to watch when you want to indulge your unsophisticated side. It’s fun to laugh at but learn from my mistakes, if you want to hand out candy again next Halloween, don’t watch Nightmare Sisters during Trick-or-Treat hours on a TV visible from your street.

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