Quarantined Critic Blog
Lost in time, lost in space…
The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special (2022) May 14th, 2023
The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special is a successful sendup of classic holiday specials complete with format staples like musical numbers, celebrity guest appearances (here’s looking at you Mark Hamill), and a heartwarming message about love and family. Despite it’s tongue-in-cheek meta comedy, The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special successfully harnesses the most…
The Junkman (1982) April, 30th 2023
In 1980 John Landis set the record for most destroyed cars in a movie with The Blues Brothers. Two years later, the architect behind 1974’s Gone in 60 Seconds would write, direct, star, and destroy 150 cars in a vanity project (disguised as a sequel) bent on breaking that same world record. The man was…
Hannibal (2001) April 24th, 2023
I’ve just finished reading Hannibal by Thomas Harris. Some chapters were irritatingly short but sufficiently told an intense story culminating in Clarice becoming Hannibal’s cannibal lover. I struggled to imagine fitting all the nuance and character development necessary to make Clarice’s transition from dutiful FBI agent to cannibalistic courtesan digestible in 90 minutes, but I…
Beau is Afraid (2023) April 23rd, 2023
Beau is Afraid is a masterpiece depicting, as faithfully as film allows, what it must be like to live with paranoid schizophrenia. I did not enjoy watching Beau is Afraid and I never want to see it again. Expect to realistic depictions of common fears like someone holding you down and gouging your eyes out…
Eo (2022) April 10th, 2023
I expected Eo to be a beautifully shot sappy story of a donkey suffering through a life as a service animal. Less like a seeing eye dog and more like a Budweiser clydesdale, an animal used for physical labor. My expectations were satisfied for the first 45 minutes. Eo, the titular donkey, is a circus…
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023) April 2nd, 2023
23 years ago I went to the theater and saw the first Dungeons & Dragons movie. I remember only that Marlon Wayans performance felt out of place and I left the theater with an overwhelming confusion. How could anyone like that movie? It’s based on a game? What kind of game could suck enough to…
Scream VI (2023) March 13th, 2023
I’ve discussed my reverence for the Scream franchise when reviewing 5cream and A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. When I buy my ticket to a Scream I expect a meta whodunit with callbacks, legacy characters, tense chase scenes and above all a clever acerbic script. Unfortunately Scream VI delivers on all those expectations…
New York Ninja (2021) February 13th, 2023
40 years ago a group of young filmmakers in New York City shot a film about an rollerskating urban ninja vigilante but never finished it. The reels sat in a seclusion until the company that owned them was bought wholesale by the great people at Vinegar Syndrome. The original production ran out of money before…
The General (1926) February 12th, 2023
Making a record of the films I consumed during the pandemic lockdowns was this blog’s original purpose. Simulating talking to my friends and family about movies during a time when we weren’t supposed to gather in groups or go to the movies (unless you bought out the whole theater which I DID at least once)…
Little Big Man (1970) February 4th, 2023
A farfetched historical farce akin to Forrest Gump and Big Fish, Little Big Man follows Dustin Hoffman’s titular character through a comical and harrowing coming of old-age story. Little Big Man is firmly centered in the late 1800’s old west and shows through a multitude of vignette flashbacks illustrating Little Big Man’s chaotic life. Ranging…
Loading…
Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.
Follow My Blog
Get new content delivered directly to your inbox.
Quarantined Critic 