Quarantined Critic Blog
Lost in time, lost in space…
Happy Birthday to Me (1981) February 13th, 2022
The Happy Birthday to Me poster is a metaphor for the film itself. A kebab of entertainment with succulent cinematography/special effects, colorful but rubbery acting, and a rotten script. All of which is violently shoved down the audience’s throat. Its the kind of movie that’ll have you asking “Wait, who’s birthday is it?” and “When…
Scream (2022) January 15th, 2022
Through its first four installments the Scream franchise successfully built a world where homicidal killers orchestrate intricate murders dependent on breaking down the fads and trends of popular horror films. The franchise’s success relies on balancing self deprecating horror film criticisms while being a perfect example of the slasher genre. The four preceding films in…
Yoyo (1965) January 9th, 2022
In the aptly titled Yoyo, a young clown’s life follows the same ups and downs as his father’s before he too learns wealth and fortune cannot buy happiness. The film begins by following Yoyo’s father, a man whose wealth is so oppressively luxurious he pays people to have fun for him, walks his dog from…
Secret Santa (2015) December 25th, 2021
Defined as a ‘movie produced outside of a major studio’, the term ‘Independent Film’ used to be a hallmark of quality. Suggesting a pedigreed film capable of succeeding on its merits without help from the Hollywood establishment. The term has lost nearly all its cache and became a marketing slogan used to brand films as…
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) December 19th, 2021
If I could write this review in one word it would be “Yay!”. Spider-Man: No Way Home is a fun adventure that somehow finds the balance between continuing the main character’s story and providing characters from previous franchises a shot at onscreen redemption. Listen, I’m not a young-youthful. I was there when Sony had to…
The French Dispatch (2021) December 9th, 2021
The French Dispatch is an anthology film from writer/director Wes Anderson comprised of three short stories contextualized as tales from the final issue of the titular fictional magazine. The first story acts as a bookend establishing the magazine’s history, purpose, and culture with an Owen Wilson led segment titled The Cycling Reporter profiling Ennui, the…
Dune (2021) November 7th, 2021
In 2019 Martin Scorsese caught flack for saying Marvel movies aren’t cinema. “Many of the elements that define cinema as I know it are there in Marvel pictures. What’s not there is revelation, mystery or genuine emotional danger. Nothing is at risk. The pictures are made to satisfy a specific set of demands, and they…
Antlers (2021) October 30th, 2021
Delayed twice between its originals release date in April 2020 and its October 11th 2021 theatrical debut, Antlers kept me wanting more… if more was just to have the chance to see the damn thing. For over a year I asked myself, “Why hasn’t that movie come out yet?” and after had me asking,”All that…
Black Sheep (2006) October 29th, 2021
Peter Jackson might be New Zealand’s patron saint of cinema but he isn’t the only game in town. Nowadays everyone’s talking about Waititi, Clement, and Darby but if you look hard enough you’ll find the islands have more to offer than those hunks (Check out my review of The Ugly, a low budget horror movie…
Terror Night (1987) October 26th, 2021
*SPOILERS* In Terror Night (AKA Bloody Movie) a group of friends explore a abandoned Los Angeles mansion owned by the estate of Lance Hayward, a famous film star from the 1920s. A mysterious murderer stalks them throughout the night, using elaborate theatrics and costumes inspired by Haywards most famous films to slowly eliminate the hapless…
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Quarantined Critic 