House (1985) October 26th, 2021
Two years after I concocted the wholly original idea of watching both House and House back to back my dream became a reality, and turned into a nightmare! Nah, it … Continue Reading House (1985) October 26th, 2021
House (1977) October 25th, 2021
Too much of a good thing can completely ruin the fun. Inevitably that’s what happens during October when my overexcited wife obsesses over filling every available hour watching horror movies. … Continue Reading House (1977) October 25th, 2021
Malignant (2021) October 9th, 2021
Malignant is so staggeringly stupid you could be conned into believing it’s brilliant. Malignant begins when Madison, a pregnant nurse who’s come home early to rest after a painful day … Continue Reading Malignant (2021) October 9th, 2021
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) October 3rd, 2021
This review contains spoilers. Alfred Hitchcock once said ‘…in the fiction film the Director is a God; he must create life.” If that’s true then Wes Craven is the God … Continue Reading A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) October 3rd, 2021
Friday the 13th Part III (1982) October 1st, 2021
I’ve been itching to watch Friday the 13th Part III for years, but I’ve refused to watch it in anything less than 3 Dimensions. Originally released in 3D, Friday the … Continue Reading Friday the 13th Part III (1982) October 1st, 2021
Le Voyage Dans la Lune (1902) July 21st, 2021
Georges Méliès’ 15 minute masterpiece Le Voyage Dans la Lune is a movie I knew precious little about. The silent film with a rocket lodged in the moon’s literal face. … Continue Reading Le Voyage Dans la Lune (1902) July 21st, 2021
Pig (2021) July 17th, 2021
I don’t like bacon. It seems simple enough to prepare but the narrow sweet spot between overdone and undercooked escapes many. Countless diner orders ventured too far to one extreme … Continue Reading Pig (2021) July 17th, 2021
The Green Knight (2021) July 17th, 2021
It’s difficult for me to criticize an A24 film. I, like a lot of people, was blown away by Ex Machina in 2015 and they’ve continued to produce at the … Continue Reading The Green Knight (2021) July 17th, 2021
Werewolves Within (2021) July 5th, 2021
Werewolves Within is the first film, excluding private showings, I’ve seen in theaters since the pandemic began and it was exactly what I wanted. A well-written clever comedy-horror whodunnit. It’s … Continue Reading Werewolves Within (2021) July 5th, 2021
The New Mutants (2020) June 27th, 2021
By the time I began reading The Uncanny X-Men in my adolescence, the team had left behind their teenage years. Cyclops and Jean Grey’s marriage was ending, Wolverine was training … Continue Reading The New Mutants (2020) June 27th, 2021
Norbit (2007) June 1st, 2021
My wife and I caught Eddie Murphy’s The Nutty Professor on motel cable while waiting for a flight this morning. I didn’t remember much about it except that Eddie Murphy … Continue Reading Norbit (2007) June 1st, 2021
The Day of the Dolphin (1973) June 1st, 2021
The limits of cetacean intelligence have fascinated me since I was five and first saw Free Willy. If you’re unfamiliar, Free Willy‘s the story of a troubled foster kid from … Continue Reading The Day of the Dolphin (1973) June 1st, 2021
The Comedy (2012) May 31st, 2021
The Comedy isn’t easy to watch. Its unconventional narrative structure necessitates attentiveness, as important story elements are implied rather than conveyed through traditional exposition and are instead suggested through the … Continue Reading The Comedy (2012) May 31st, 2021
Tickled (2016) May 2nd, 2021
This might make you uncomfortable, but tickling probably has an evolutionary advantage. Maybe it’s related to shivering? Maybe a common ancestor survived longer because they were better suited to avoid … Continue Reading Tickled (2016) May 2nd, 2021
Mortal Kombat (2021) April 26th, 2021
I may’ve been born in the late 80’s but I grew up in the 90’s, and growing up in the 90’s was like sprouting from the garden of brand loyalty. … Continue Reading Mortal Kombat (2021) April 26th, 2021
The Fellowship of the Ring (1991) April 18th, 2021
Facebook is a social and mental cancer; its algorithms designed to manipulate users’ emotions to maximize screen time and exposure to paid advertisements. Most of the time the algorithms prey … Continue Reading The Fellowship of the Ring (1991) April 18th, 2021
Quarantined Critic 