Socially Distant, self isolated and sheltered in place.
Malignant is so staggeringly stupid you could be conned into believing it’s brilliant. Malignant begins when Madison, a pregnant nurse who’s come home early to rest after a painful day … Continue Reading Malignant (2021) October 9th, 2021
This review contains spoilers. Alfred Hitchcock once said ‘…in the fiction film the Director is a God; he must create life.” If that’s true then Wes Craven is the God … Continue Reading A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) October 3rd, 2021
I’ve been itching to watch Friday the 13th Part III for years, but I’ve refused to watch it in anything less than 3 Dimensions. Originally released in 3D, Friday the … Continue Reading Friday the 13th Part III (1982) October 1st, 2021
Georges Méliès’ 15 minute masterpiece Le Voyage Dans la Lune is a movie I knew precious little about. The silent film with a rocket lodged in the moon’s literal face. … Continue Reading Le Voyage Dans la Lune (1902) July 21st, 2021
I don’t like bacon. It seems simple enough to prepare but the narrow sweet spot between overdone and undercooked escapes many. Countless diner orders ventured too far to one extreme … Continue Reading Pig (2021) July 17th, 2021
Werewolves Within is the first film, excluding private showings, I’ve seen in theaters since the pandemic began and it was exactly what I wanted. A well-written clever comedy-horror whodunnit. It’s … Continue Reading Werewolves Within (2021) July 5th, 2021
The limits of cetacean intelligence have fascinated me since I was five and first saw Free Willy. If you’re unfamiliar, Free Willy‘s the story of a troubled foster kid from … Continue Reading The Day of the Dolphin (1973) June 1st, 2021
The Comedy isn’t easy to watch. Its unconventional narrative structure necessitates attentiveness, as important story elements are implied rather than conveyed through traditional exposition and are instead suggested through the … Continue Reading The Comedy (2012) May 31st, 2021
This might make you uncomfortable, but tickling probably has an evolutionary advantage. Maybe it’s related to shivering? Maybe a common ancestor survived longer because they were better suited to avoid … Continue Reading Tickled (2016) May 2nd, 2021
I may’ve been born in the late 80’s but I grew up in the 90’s, and growing up in the 90’s was like sprouting from the garden of brand loyalty. … Continue Reading Mortal Kombat (2021) April 26th, 2021
Facebook is a social and mental cancer; its algorithms designed to manipulate users’ emotions to maximize screen time and exposure to paid advertisements. Most of the time the algorithms prey … Continue Reading The Fellowship of the Ring (1991) April 18th, 2021
The Shooting looks like it was shot by a group of talented young filmmakers on a shoestring budget. All the low budget hallmarks are there. Dependency on location shooting for … Continue Reading The Shooting (1966) April 8th, 2021
When Jonah was swallowed by a giant fish after disappointing god and suffered a crisis of faith. He probably wondered “Do I not have free will? Did not God endow … Continue Reading Godzilla Vs. Kong (2021) April 6th, 2021
In October 2020, in the middle of our super-sized pandemic induced horror movie marathon, we watched William Castle’s The Tingler. It was my first exposure to Castle’s wonderful gimmickry and … Continue Reading Matinee (1993) March 29, 2021
It’s December 2019. Christmas is just around the corner, we’re planning our wedding in March, and no one is thinking about Wuhan much at all. Before I head home from … Continue Reading Angel (1983) January 20th, 2021
I think we look at storytelling genres the wrong way. Horror isn’t a genre, it’s a feeling, an emotional element used for impact and tone. Mystery isn’t a genre, it’s … Continue Reading Drums Along the Mohawk (1939) January 13th, 2021
Quarantined Critic 