Socially Distant, self isolated and sheltered in place.
I’ve just finished reading Hannibal by Thomas Harris. Some chapters were irritatingly short but sufficiently told an intense story culminating in Clarice becoming Hannibal’s cannibal lover. I struggled to imagine … Continue Reading Hannibal (2001) April 24th, 2023
Beau is Afraid is a masterpiece depicting, as faithfully as film allows, what it must be like to live with paranoid schizophrenia. I did not enjoy watching Beau is Afraid … Continue Reading Beau is Afraid (2023) April 23rd, 2023
I’ve discussed my reverence for the Scream franchise when reviewing 5cream and A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. When I buy my ticket to a Scream I expect … Continue Reading Scream VI (2023) March 13th, 2023
This Halloween we filled our evening with a Leone-esq film trifecta. The Classic (The Exorcist), The Difficult-to-Find-on-Home-Release (Near Dark), and The Garbage (Nightmare Sisters). You can tell by the cover, … Continue Reading Nightmare Sisters (1988) October 31st, 2022
Our annual October Horror Marathon was truncated this year due to our move. We made up as much time as possible by committing all Halloween day to horror movies. My … Continue Reading The Exorcist (1973) October 31st, 2022
Famous for playing Sherlock Holmes in different shows at the same time, Benedict Cumberbatch and Jonny Lee Miller took that novelty to the next level in their stage production of … Continue Reading Frankenstein (2011) October 25th, 2022
Hocus Pocus feels like required reading for my cohort. Something about that wacky oddity of a film terrified me as a kid and charms me as an adult. My wife … Continue Reading Hocus Pocus 2 (2022) October 19th, 2022
House of Usher is padded with 45 extraneous minutes of repetitive dialogue and faux dramatic tension. Vincent Price reluctantly welcomes his sister’s suitor into their gothic estate and spends half … Continue Reading House of Usher (1960) October 10th, 2022
The Happy Birthday to Me poster is a metaphor for the film itself. A kebab of entertainment with succulent cinematography/special effects, colorful but rubbery acting, and a rotten script. All … Continue Reading Happy Birthday to Me (1981) February 13th, 2022
Through its first four installments the Scream franchise successfully built a world where homicidal killers orchestrate intricate murders dependent on breaking down the fads and trends of popular horror films. … Continue Reading Scream (2022) January 15th, 2022
Defined as a ‘movie produced outside of a major studio’, the term ‘Independent Film’ used to be a hallmark of quality. Suggesting a pedigreed film capable of succeeding on its … Continue Reading Secret Santa (2015) December 25th, 2021
Delayed twice between its originals release date in April 2020 and its October 11th 2021 theatrical debut, Antlers kept me wanting more… if more was just to have the chance … Continue Reading Antlers (2021) October 30th, 2021
Peter Jackson might be New Zealand’s patron saint of cinema but he isn’t the only game in town. Nowadays everyone’s talking about Waititi, Clement, and Darby but if you look … Continue Reading Black Sheep (2006) October 29th, 2021
*SPOILERS* In Terror Night (AKA Bloody Movie) a group of friends explore a abandoned Los Angeles mansion owned by the estate of Lance Hayward, a famous film star from the … Continue Reading Terror Night (1987) October 26th, 2021
Two years after I concocted the wholly original idea of watching both House and House back to back my dream became a reality, and turned into a nightmare! Nah, it … Continue Reading House (1985) October 26th, 2021
Malignant is so staggeringly stupid you could be conned into believing it’s brilliant. Malignant begins when Madison, a pregnant nurse who’s come home early to rest after a painful day … Continue Reading Malignant (2021) October 9th, 2021
Quarantined Critic 