Vice Academy (1989) February 5th, 2021

Yeah I know, it’s another weird sex comedy… but it was in the box of Vinegar Syndrome movies Santa gave us in 2019 so… we’re obligated to watch it right?

Vice Academy‘s a Police Academy ripoff with more nudity and somehow lower-brow comedy. The current police academy class needs to collar the person running the biggest prostitution and drug ring in Los Angeles before they can graduate. This is the kind of impossible task that’s only feasible in a low budget nudie comedy. Someone’s going to shut down your local ski resort? No problem, just beat them in a downhill skiing race. Spring break is getting canceled because a big corporation is taking over Venice Beach for a super-uncool convention? No problem, just fill their cars with shaving cream and their hotel rooms with snapping turtles. That’ll get rid of those pesky squares.

It’s easy as pie, but there must be some conflict preventing the bare-bodied-Bobbys from becoming fully fledged police officers and doing real LAPD work like planting drugs on inner city teens or framing O.J. Enter Queen Bee, the Kingpin of crime in Los Angeles so named because she has a massive beehive hairdo (it’s more like an Aqua Net afro). The only way these comely cadets can take her down is by infiltrating her operation. One of them must pose as a prostitute, gain the Queen Bee’s trust, and climb her ranks in order to make their bust. That’s a serious undercover operation requiring months of surveillance and preparation but leave it to the most professional group of trainees LAPD’s ever seen to do it in four to five scenes.

Their apprehension of the Queen Bee is aided by James Bond esq. gadgets. The most significant is a vial of lipstick that sounds like a gunshot when twisted. What a practical device. The recruits use trickery and guile to con the cons into surrendering. Now they can graduate and officially become officers of the law negating the need for a Vice Academy sequel, well maybe one more… or two… but certainly not… five? God help us all.