Shark Lake (2015) October 31st, 2023

Am I imagining things or do modern bad movies get a raw deal? Think of the boutique blu-ray boom of trash movies happening now. When companies like Vinegar Syndrome and Severin are restoring films like Spookies or The Incredible Melting Man in glorious HD or even 4K while modern trash like Shark Lake languishes on Tubi or other rotten free streaming services. If the same audiences are consuming both, why don’t we see the same fervor on the home video market? Without knowing shit about fuck, I’m confident the multifaceted ultra complicated answer can easily be distilled down to nostalgia. Movies like Shark Lake don’t have the old-timey feel of a Chopping Mall or Christmas Evil and they don’t have the shocking over-the-top name of instant classic shit-films like Sharknado, Shark Exorcist and other non-shark related films (if I could think of anything but sharks at the moment). I sure hope people who like good old bad movies can find it in their hearts to check out some good new bad movies once in a while. I’ll start by recommending Shark Lake.

Shark Lake was exactly what I wanted it to be, a better-than-expected bad movie that wouldn’t suffer from persistent pausing when trick-or-treaters come a knocking. I say better than expected because while Shark Lake is not a good movie, it is a good example of how good a bad movie can look when your crew uses good equipment. Without knowing shit about fuck, I’m confident the production crew shot Shark Lake using Blackmagic Design cameras. Did I do any research to confirm this suspicion? No and I won’t because the truth doesn’t matter when we’re talking about shit like Shark Lake. What matters in this post-Trump 45 pre-Trump 47 window in time when the air is still breathable and we don’t yet work on bullet-farms, is how we feel about stuff. And I feel like I’m making a point about how Blackmagic Design cameras can polish your turd at a consumer price.

Look, it’s apparent you’re not going to leave me alone until a talk a little bit more about Shark Lake in detail. Fine, Dolph plays a convict dad who went to prison for selling wild animals like Joe Exotic. While he was away a lady cop adopted his daughter in a totally-not-conflict-of-interest/deeply inappropriate kind of way. Years later when he’s released she does the right thing and supervises visitations with his daughter as a way to reintroduce the child to her natural habitat with her birth father… instead she abuses her authority and threatens him a few times. Meanwhile one of the giant sharks he released into their town’s lake for later resale has grown up and begun feeding on tourists and whomever is unlucky enough to swim in its waters. Now it’s up to these unlikely co-parents to work together, or swim with the fishes in… Shark Lake! Available now on demand!

Shark Lake looks better than it should, and I can only imagine it’s because a talented cinematographer got the funding to buy the cameras they needed to elevate the project. The script is shit, the acting is shit, but the movie looks great and that’s something. So if you need to put something on that sometimes has cool moments where sharks eat old people on a lakefront while you do a hip-young activity like putting together a jigsaw puzzle, checkout Shark Lake.