Quarantined Critic Blog
Lost in time, lost in space…
A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989) October 7th, 2024
I didn’t watch any of the A Nightmare on Elm Street films growing up and only knew of Freddy Krueger through quiet whispers and hushed tones. It took me years to grow into loving horror and begin exploring the best and worst of the genre. Now every October my wife and I burn through the…
Mr. Vampire (1985) October 3rd, 2024
Last October (2023) we got our first taste of the new-to-us hopping-vampire genre with Encounters of the Spooky Kind. This year we sunk our teeth deeper with a feature length sample of Mr. Vampire. After this second helping, I’m in the mood for a whole Kung Fu-Horror-Comedy buffet! I highly recommend Mr. Vampire for those…
Don’t Look Now (1973) October 1st, 2024
It’s that time of year again when I write reviews of our October 2024 horror film lineup! Which time of the year you ask? February. We began with one of the films from our 100 Movies to See Before You Die book and a longtime member of the Criterion Collection, Don’t Look Now. More a…
Dragonslayer (1981) August 26th, 2024
There exists a finite number of great fantasy films made before CGI turned Hollywood into a green-screen-nightmare. These technological terrors constructed an ecosystem unable to sustain the talents and skills of practical effects craftsmen. Relegating their craft to the same obsolete fate of the film developer and VCR Mechanic. Stop-motion animation, matte-painting composites, and even…
Deadpool & Wolverine (2024) July 29th, 2024
There are two wolves inside me fighting over Deadpool & Wolverine. The Cynical Wolf doesn’t want me to ignore the complex marketing scheme normalizing ‘variants’ to comfortably introduce 20th Century FOX’s two most popular characters into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The Cynical Wolf reminds me that every legacy cameo, cultural reference, and whistful nod to…
Longlegs (2024) July 14th, 2024
A filmmaking homage might reference or draw inspiration from great movies in countless ways. A line of dialogue, an iconic shot, costume design, or even set dressing can show deference for the creatives who came before. In his newest film, Longlegs writer-director Oz Perkins skips these customary methods and appears to pass off the copy-pasted…
So Fine (1981) July 1st, 2024
So Fine popped up on the Criterion Channel around the time I began the quest to watch more 80s comedies. I loved Paper Moon but hadn’t seen Ryan O’Neal in much else since then and a new-to-me film written and directed by Andrew Bergman the writer of lauded comedies like Blazing Saddles and Fletch was…
Beverly Hills Cop 2 (1987) June 25th, 2024
If you’ve ever sent improperly cooked food back to the kitchen you know it usually comes back overcooked, which doesn’t really solve the problem or compensate you for the loss. Now imagine that same experience but the kitchen recognized their poor performance and sends back a perfectly prepared replacement entree with a gratis appetizer and…
Beverly Hills Cop (1984) June 24th, 2024
I recently decided to prioritize watching the long list of 80s comedies I’ve yet to see. But after disappointing showings by Under the Rainbow and Zelig I began to wonder… Are 80s comedies funny? You’ve answered ‘Yes!’, please allow me to explain. If you’re listing Back to the Future, The Goonies, and The Princess Bride…
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024) June 7th, 2024
Let’s starts by establishing the sequel/prequel problem, forgive me if this feels remedial. Follow-up films aren’t produced for unpopular franchises without momentum, but oftentimes the subsequent movies pale in comaparison to the original blockbuster. These rehashed cash-grabs are plagued by persistent creative missteps that should be avoidable after a hundred years of filmmaking. Let’s make…
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Quarantined Critic 