Socially Distant, self isolated and sheltered in place.
Peter Jackson might be New Zealand’s patron saint of cinema but he isn’t the only game in town. Nowadays everyone’s talking about Waititi, Clement, and Darby but if you look … Continue Reading Black Sheep (2006) October 29th, 2021
*SPOILERS* In Terror Night (AKA Bloody Movie) a group of friends explore a abandoned Los Angeles mansion owned by the estate of Lance Hayward, a famous film star from the … Continue Reading Terror Night (1987) October 26th, 2021
Two years after I concocted the wholly original idea of watching both House and House back to back my dream became a reality, and turned into a nightmare! Nah, it … Continue Reading House (1985) October 26th, 2021
Too much of a good thing can completely ruin the fun. Inevitably that’s what happens during October when my overexcited wife obsesses over filling every available hour watching horror movies. … Continue Reading House (1977) October 25th, 2021
Malignant is so staggeringly stupid you could be conned into believing it’s brilliant. Malignant begins when Madison, a pregnant nurse who’s come home early to rest after a painful day … Continue Reading Malignant (2021) October 9th, 2021
This review contains spoilers. Alfred Hitchcock once said ‘…in the fiction film the Director is a God; he must create life.” If that’s true then Wes Craven is the God … Continue Reading A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) October 3rd, 2021
I’ve been itching to watch Friday the 13th Part III for years, but I’ve refused to watch it in anything less than 3 Dimensions. Originally released in 3D, Friday the … Continue Reading Friday the 13th Part III (1982) October 1st, 2021
Georges Méliès’ 15 minute masterpiece Le Voyage Dans la Lune is a movie I knew precious little about. The silent film with a rocket lodged in the moon’s literal face. … Continue Reading Le Voyage Dans la Lune (1902) July 21st, 2021
I don’t like bacon. It seems simple enough to prepare but the narrow sweet spot between overdone and undercooked escapes many. Countless diner orders ventured too far to one extreme … Continue Reading Pig (2021) July 17th, 2021
It’s difficult for me to criticize an A24 film. I, like a lot of people, was blown away by Ex Machina in 2015 and they’ve continued to produce at the … Continue Reading The Green Knight (2021) July 17th, 2021
Werewolves Within is the first film, excluding private showings, I’ve seen in theaters since the pandemic began and it was exactly what I wanted. A well-written clever comedy-horror whodunnit. It’s … Continue Reading Werewolves Within (2021) July 5th, 2021
By the time I began reading The Uncanny X-Men in my adolescence, the team had left behind their teenage years. Cyclops and Jean Grey’s marriage was ending, Wolverine was training … Continue Reading The New Mutants (2020) June 27th, 2021
Author’s note June 26th 2023 Hi, I don’t know who you are or why you’re reading this but I know you’re out there. Since publication this Norbit review has quickly … Continue Reading Norbit (2007) June 1st, 2021
The limits of cetacean intelligence have fascinated me since I was five and first saw Free Willy. If you’re unfamiliar, Free Willy‘s the story of a troubled foster kid from … Continue Reading The Day of the Dolphin (1973) June 1st, 2021
The Comedy isn’t easy to watch. Its unconventional narrative structure necessitates attentiveness, as important story elements are implied rather than conveyed through traditional exposition and are instead suggested through the … Continue Reading The Comedy (2012) May 31st, 2021
This might make you uncomfortable, but tickling probably has an evolutionary advantage. Maybe it’s related to shivering? Maybe a common ancestor survived longer because they were better suited to avoid … Continue Reading Tickled (2016) May 2nd, 2021
Quarantined Critic 