Socially Distant, self isolated and sheltered in place.
At its worst our annual horrorthon is discouraging and exhausting. Subjecting ourselves to a high chance of stinkers and a low chance of great movies takes its toll. For every … Continue Reading Encounters of the Spooky Kind (1980) October 8th, 2023
Over a decade after Jackass 3D’s release, Johnny Knoxville and Jeff Tremaine reunite with most of their original crew (and a handful of new idiots) to relive their glory days … Continue Reading Jackass Forever (2022) September 5th, 2023
I don’t like bacon. It seems simple enough to prepare but the narrow sweet spot between overdone and undercooked escapes many. Countless diner orders ventured too far to one extreme … Continue Reading Pig (2021) July 17th, 2021
It’s difficult for me to criticize an A24 film. I, like a lot of people, was blown away by Ex Machina in 2015 and they’ve continued to produce at the … Continue Reading The Green Knight (2021) July 17th, 2021
Werewolves Within is the first film, excluding private showings, I’ve seen in theaters since the pandemic began and it was exactly what I wanted. A well-written clever comedy-horror whodunnit. It’s … Continue Reading Werewolves Within (2021) July 5th, 2021
By the time I began reading The Uncanny X-Men in my adolescence, the team had left behind their teenage years. Cyclops and Jean Grey’s marriage was ending, Wolverine was training … Continue Reading The New Mutants (2020) June 27th, 2021
Author’s note June 26th 2023 Hi, I don’t know who you are or why you’re reading this but I know you’re out there. Since publication this Norbit review has quickly … Continue Reading Norbit (2007) June 1st, 2021
The limits of cetacean intelligence have fascinated me since I was five and first saw Free Willy. If you’re unfamiliar, Free Willy‘s the story of a troubled foster kid from … Continue Reading The Day of the Dolphin (1973) June 1st, 2021
My Dad’s overseen my film education since early childhood. While some parents absentmindedly planted their kids in front of TVs playing any old thing, my Dad took care to curate … Continue Reading The Red Shoes (1948) January 9th, 2021
Dead of Night is an exceptional film that should really be experienced without foreknowledge. If you value the film experience and are remotely interested please watch Dead of Night before … Continue Reading Dead of Night (1974) October 28th, 2020
In The Driller Killer artist Reno Miller (Abel Ferrara) struggles mirror those of every young creative professional: making art and paying bills. The stress of managing his artistic vision with … Continue Reading The Driller Killer (1979) October 27th, 2020
Dværgen or Abducted Bride is a Dutch dwarfsploitation/sexsploitation film most commonly known as The Sinful Dwarf. You may be wondering “Why is he reviewing a 70’s porno in the middle … Continue Reading Dværgen (1973) October 24th, 2020
I made a list of the films my wife and I watched last October and ranked them by their by their overall value. It’s a subjective unscientific method that gauges … Continue Reading Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (1974) October 20th, 2020
Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key is a giallo film. Giallo, Italian for yellow, became shorthand for the genre of pulp mystery-thriller novels with … Continue Reading Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key (1972) October 19th, 2020
Ah, mermaid horror, too weird to live too rare to die. The Lure is a loose adaptation of The Little Mermaid fairytale set in modern Poland. Two mermaid sisters venture … Continue Reading The Lure (2015) October 12th, 2020
I love monster movies. Monsters actually created The List. Back then my wife and I decided to watch every movie in the Universal Monsters catalog. At the time a 30 … Continue Reading The Blob (1958) October 12th, 2020
Quarantined Critic 